Sunday, March 8, 2015

Consent: It's really not all that difficult

After reading that a clearly none-too-bright university student was inspired by "50 Shades of Grey" to "surprise" rape his girlfriend, it was really quite refreshing to read this fresh and forthright definition of consent:

If you’re still struggling, just imagine instead of initiating sex, you’re making them a cup of tea.

You say “hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they go “omg fuck yes, I would fucking LOVE a cup of tea! Thank you!*” then you know they want a cup of tea.

If you say “hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they um and ahh and say, “I’m not really sure…” then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it, and if they don’t drink it then – this is the important bit – don’t make them drink it. You can’t blame them for you going to the effort of making the tea on the off-chance they wanted it; you just have to deal with them not drinking it. Just because you made it doesn’t mean you are entitled to watch them drink it.
Read the rest here....

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Let's Talk About Sex

"Your body is the church where Nature asks to be reverenced."
~ Le Marquis de Sade

You can confide in me. You can tell me your deepest desires. You'll find I'm quite the listener, and an experienced listener at that. I can help you make sense of those secrets you've been keeping. Let's talk about the kind of sex you want and we'll get you another step closer to making your fantasies come true.

What is your secret desire?

We all yearn for something more, something we both crave and fear, a longing waiting to be voiced, wanting to be heard.

What do you lust after? What do you need?

  • Do you long to submit to a dominant, relinquishing your power and acquiescing to her will?
  • Do you imagine yourself wearing women's lingerie, relishing the feel of silk and satin against your skin?
  • Do you fantasize about your lover's feet, dream of lavishing her ankles, her toes, the soles of her beautiful feet with the focused attention of an adoring slave?
  • Do you dream of watching your lover while she makes love to someone else?
  • Do you hunger for an experience that you thought you'd never be able to share with anyone else?

I saw sensuality as sacred, indeed the only sacredness, I saw woman and her beauty as divine since her calling is the most important task of existence: the propagation of the species. I saw woman as the personification of nature, as Isis, and man as her priest, her slave; and I pictured her treating him as cruelly as Nature, who, when she no longer needs something that has served her, tosses it away, while her abuses, indeed her killing it, are its lascivious bliss.
~ Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, Venus in Furs

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Saturday, June 21, 2014

Loving the Good Vibes Strap-on Selfie campaign

The Good Vibes Strap-on Selfie campaign is a great way to learn more about strap-on sex, who has it, how to do it, and why you might want to, as well as great deals and a huge variety of strap-on tools and accessories. Check it out! Who knows. Maybe you'll be inspired to share your own strap-on selfie!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

‘Sex dates’, with the woman in charge

Esther Perel, sex therapist and author of Mating in Captivity, recommends sex dates, with the woman in charge as a way to address the issue of unequal desire in relationships. Read more about her suggestions in Psychologies magazine. Are you a woman looking for ways to take charge? Are you a man hoping the woman in your life will take charge? Check out these titles, and begin your journey.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

The Dominatrix: A BDSM History

From the fabulous Gloria Brame, "an all-vintage visual odyssey through BDSM history, documenting enchantingly sexy dominant women and professional dominatrices from the 1860s to the 1930s." (With a special appearance by Freud's couch.)

Monday, April 23, 2012

Not for the Faint of Heart: Consensual Erotic Blackmail

Kitty: That's blackmail.

Johnny: It's only blackmail, baby, when you're dumb enough to get caught.

Of course, Johnny’s mistaken. Blackmail is blackmail, even if you don’t get caught. But that doesn’t stop either Kitty or Johnny from luring Chris deeper into their trap. And Chris, smitten with the devious Kitty, falls for scheme after scheme, always coming back, always begging for more.

(Want to know how it ends? Check out the classic film noir Scarlet Street, starring Edward G. Robinson, Joan Bennett, and Dan Duryea.)

But maybe Johnny was on to something. Maybe it’s only blackmail when you don’t have the consent of the person you’re blackmailing.

Consensual blackmail may seem an oxymoron, but as with so many fetishes and fantasies, consent is the difference between a felony and a fulfilling fantasy.

Unlike the classic definition of blackmail, in other words, “the act of forcing somebody to pay money or do something by threatening to reveal shameful or incriminating facts about him,” consensual blackmail is an arrangement entered into with the consent of both parties, no force necessary.

No force, no foul, right?

Consensual doesn’t mean there’s no risk involved. In fact, there’s a great deal of risk.

The frisson of consensual blackmail is the risk of exposure. While the blackmail submissive voluntarily pays money to keep shameful or incriminating evidence from seeing the light of day, the thrill is in skirting the edge, risking exposure, either by not being able to keep up with the agreed to payments, or choosing to not keep up in order to edge closer to being exposed.

Consensual blackmail is edge play at its edgiest. The submissive may not be risking his health or personal safety, but he is risking his relationships, from his most intimate and personal to his professional.

By willingly sharing contact information for the most important people in his life, by willingly giving up incriminating evidence, usually of an erotic nature, and then committing to a financial arrangement with a dominant to keep his “secret” safe, the submissive puts in the hands of the dominant the power to ruin him by revealing his secrets to those who think they know him if he does not hold up his side of the contract.

But it’s not only his life that he puts on the line. By sharing contact information and risking that all of his perversions will be revealed, he also puts the wellbeing of his loved ones at risk.

Think about it. The blackmail submissive is willing to risk hurting his wife, his girlfriend, his parents, his siblings. He is willing to risk embarrassing his co-workers. He is willing to humiliate himself in front of his boss, who then may find reason to let him go. He’s willing to risk his job, his financial obligations to family, and perhaps even the custody of his children.

So why would a dominant risk causing harm to people who never consented to play the blackmail game?

The key is trust.

The submissive trusts the dominant to keep his secret if he adheres to the agreement. The dominant trusts that the submissive will uphold his end of the agreement.

If I accept you as a blackmail submissive, it’s because I trust you to uphold your end of the agreement.

If I accept you as a blackmail submissive, it is because I am confident that you are not using me as a way of revealing your base desires to those closest to you because you don’t have the cojones to come clean and admit who you really are to those you love.

If I accept you as a blackmail submissive, I will push you to the very edge of exposure, to the limits of what is safe.

Most importantly, if I accept you as a blackmail submissive, you risk real exposure, not because I’m cruel and desire to harm people I’ve never met and who never asked me to hurt them. You risk real exposure because if you are the type of person willing to risk the health, heart, and well-being of those you proclaim to love, and then backpedal on your commitment, they deserve to know you for the selfish, irresponsible person that you are.

I am no longer accepting blackmail submissives. You can still purchase copies of the application and the contract, should you so desire. And you know that you do.

Friday, March 30, 2012

The Invention of False Eyelashes

"The invention and use of false eyelashes began in 1916 when director D.W. Griffith was making his film Intolerance. He wanted actress Seena Owen to have lashes that "that brushed her cheeks, to make her eyes shine larger than life." The first false eyelashes was made of human hair woven through fine gauze by a local wig maker. They were then attached to Owen's eyes."

Eyelash extensions on Wikipedia