Saturday, June 21, 2014
Loving the Good Vibes Strap-on Selfie campaign
The Good Vibes Strap-on Selfie campaign is a great way to learn more about strap-on sex, who has it, how to do it, and why you might want to, as well as great deals and a huge variety of strap-on tools and accessories. Check it out! Who knows. Maybe you'll be inspired to share your own strap-on selfie!
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
‘Sex dates’, with the woman in charge
Esther Perel, sex therapist and author of Mating in Captivity, recommends sex dates, with the woman in charge as a way to address the issue of unequal desire in relationships. Read more about her suggestions in Psychologies magazine.
Are you a woman looking for ways to take charge? Are you a man hoping the woman in your life will take charge? Check out these titles, and begin your journey.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
The Dominatrix: A BDSM History
From the fabulous Gloria Brame, "an all-vintage visual odyssey through BDSM history, documenting enchantingly sexy dominant women and professional dominatrices from the 1860s to the 1930s." (With a special appearance by Freud's couch.)
Monday, April 23, 2012
Not for the Faint of Heart: Consensual Erotic Blackmail
Kitty: That's blackmail.
Johnny: It's only blackmail, baby, when you're dumb enough to get caught.
Of course, Johnny’s mistaken. Blackmail is blackmail, even if you don’t get caught. But that doesn’t stop either Kitty or Johnny from luring Chris deeper into their trap. And Chris, smitten with the devious Kitty, falls for scheme after scheme, always coming back, always begging for more.
(Want to know how it ends? Check out the classic film noir Scarlet Street, starring Edward G. Robinson, Joan Bennett, and Dan Duryea.)
But maybe Johnny was on to something. Maybe it’s only blackmail when you don’t have the consent of the person you’re blackmailing.
Consensual blackmail may seem an oxymoron, but as with so many fetishes and fantasies, consent is the difference between a felony and a fulfilling fantasy.
Unlike the classic definition of blackmail, in other words, “the act of forcing somebody to pay money or do something by threatening to reveal shameful or incriminating facts about him,” consensual blackmail is an arrangement entered into with the consent of both parties, no force necessary.
No force, no foul, right?
Consensual doesn’t mean there’s no risk involved. In fact, there’s a great deal of risk.
The frisson of consensual blackmail is the risk of exposure. While the blackmail submissive voluntarily pays money to keep shameful or incriminating evidence from seeing the light of day, the thrill is in skirting the edge, risking exposure, either by not being able to keep up with the agreed to payments, or choosing to not keep up in order to edge closer to being exposed.
Consensual blackmail is edge play at its edgiest. The submissive may not be risking his health or personal safety, but he is risking his relationships, from his most intimate and personal to his professional.
By willingly sharing contact information for the most important people in his life, by willingly giving up incriminating evidence, usually of an erotic nature, and then committing to a financial arrangement with a dominant to keep his “secret” safe, the submissive puts in the hands of the dominant the power to ruin him by revealing his secrets to those who think they know him if he does not hold up his side of the contract.
But it’s not only his life that he puts on the line. By sharing contact information and risking that all of his perversions will be revealed, he also puts the wellbeing of his loved ones at risk.
Think about it. The blackmail submissive is willing to risk hurting his wife, his girlfriend, his parents, his siblings. He is willing to risk embarrassing his co-workers. He is willing to humiliate himself in front of his boss, who then may find reason to let him go. He’s willing to risk his job, his financial obligations to family, and perhaps even the custody of his children.
So why would a dominant risk causing harm to people who never consented to play the blackmail game?
The key is trust.
The submissive trusts the dominant to keep his secret if he adheres to the agreement. The dominant trusts that the submissive will uphold his end of the agreement.
If I accept you as a blackmail submissive, it’s because I trust you to uphold your end of the agreement.
If I accept you as a blackmail submissive, it is because I am confident that you are not using me as a way of revealing your base desires to those closest to you because you don’t have the cojones to come clean and admit who you really are to those you love.
If I accept you as a blackmail submissive, I will push you to the very edge of exposure, to the limits of what is safe.
Most importantly, if I accept you as a blackmail submissive, you risk real exposure, not because I’m cruel and desire to harm people I’ve never met and who never asked me to hurt them. You risk real exposure because if you are the type of person willing to risk the health, heart, and well-being of those you proclaim to love, and then backpedal on your commitment, they deserve to know you for the selfish, irresponsible person that you are.
I am no longer accepting blackmail submissives. You can still purchase copies of the application and the contract, should you so desire. And you know that you do.
Johnny: It's only blackmail, baby, when you're dumb enough to get caught.
Of course, Johnny’s mistaken. Blackmail is blackmail, even if you don’t get caught. But that doesn’t stop either Kitty or Johnny from luring Chris deeper into their trap. And Chris, smitten with the devious Kitty, falls for scheme after scheme, always coming back, always begging for more.
(Want to know how it ends? Check out the classic film noir Scarlet Street, starring Edward G. Robinson, Joan Bennett, and Dan Duryea.)
But maybe Johnny was on to something. Maybe it’s only blackmail when you don’t have the consent of the person you’re blackmailing.
Consensual blackmail may seem an oxymoron, but as with so many fetishes and fantasies, consent is the difference between a felony and a fulfilling fantasy.
Unlike the classic definition of blackmail, in other words, “the act of forcing somebody to pay money or do something by threatening to reveal shameful or incriminating facts about him,” consensual blackmail is an arrangement entered into with the consent of both parties, no force necessary.
No force, no foul, right?
Consensual doesn’t mean there’s no risk involved. In fact, there’s a great deal of risk.
The frisson of consensual blackmail is the risk of exposure. While the blackmail submissive voluntarily pays money to keep shameful or incriminating evidence from seeing the light of day, the thrill is in skirting the edge, risking exposure, either by not being able to keep up with the agreed to payments, or choosing to not keep up in order to edge closer to being exposed.
Consensual blackmail is edge play at its edgiest. The submissive may not be risking his health or personal safety, but he is risking his relationships, from his most intimate and personal to his professional.
By willingly sharing contact information for the most important people in his life, by willingly giving up incriminating evidence, usually of an erotic nature, and then committing to a financial arrangement with a dominant to keep his “secret” safe, the submissive puts in the hands of the dominant the power to ruin him by revealing his secrets to those who think they know him if he does not hold up his side of the contract.
But it’s not only his life that he puts on the line. By sharing contact information and risking that all of his perversions will be revealed, he also puts the wellbeing of his loved ones at risk.
Think about it. The blackmail submissive is willing to risk hurting his wife, his girlfriend, his parents, his siblings. He is willing to risk embarrassing his co-workers. He is willing to humiliate himself in front of his boss, who then may find reason to let him go. He’s willing to risk his job, his financial obligations to family, and perhaps even the custody of his children.
So why would a dominant risk causing harm to people who never consented to play the blackmail game?
The key is trust.
The submissive trusts the dominant to keep his secret if he adheres to the agreement. The dominant trusts that the submissive will uphold his end of the agreement.
If I accept you as a blackmail submissive, it’s because I trust you to uphold your end of the agreement.
If I accept you as a blackmail submissive, it is because I am confident that you are not using me as a way of revealing your base desires to those closest to you because you don’t have the cojones to come clean and admit who you really are to those you love.
If I accept you as a blackmail submissive, I will push you to the very edge of exposure, to the limits of what is safe.
Most importantly, if I accept you as a blackmail submissive, you risk real exposure, not because I’m cruel and desire to harm people I’ve never met and who never asked me to hurt them. You risk real exposure because if you are the type of person willing to risk the health, heart, and well-being of those you proclaim to love, and then backpedal on your commitment, they deserve to know you for the selfish, irresponsible person that you are.
I am no longer accepting blackmail submissives. You can still purchase copies of the application and the contract, should you so desire. And you know that you do.
Friday, March 30, 2012
The Invention of False Eyelashes
"The invention and use of false eyelashes began in 1916 when director D.W. Griffith was making his film Intolerance. He wanted actress Seena Owen to have lashes that "that brushed her cheeks, to make her eyes shine larger than life." The first false eyelashes was made of human hair woven through fine gauze by a local wig maker. They were then attached to Owen's eyes."
Eyelash extensions on Wikipedia
Eyelash extensions on Wikipedia
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
100 Orgasms for Health
This just in from Dr. Ruth via her Twitter account:
"Accordng to Mayo Clinic if u have at least 100 orgasms/yr u can expect to prolong u're life by up to 8 yrs & reduce mortality rate by 1/2"
Worth remembering. Worth achieving.
"Accordng to Mayo Clinic if u have at least 100 orgasms/yr u can expect to prolong u're life by up to 8 yrs & reduce mortality rate by 1/2"
Worth remembering. Worth achieving.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
To Sit In An Easy Relationship With Our Shame
I'm reading Barbara Carellas' Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide, a great book which I highly recommend. (Look for a full review in a future post!)
I find Barbara's words to be helpful in framing many of my own ideas about shame and how it limits us.
I was particularly struck by this passage, one that I think is crucial to remember as we move through shame to find our own true selves:
I find Barbara's words to be helpful in framing many of my own ideas about shame and how it limits us.
I was particularly struck by this passage, one that I think is crucial to remember as we move through shame to find our own true selves:
My colleague Tessa Wills adds that it is important for all of us beginning or expanding our erotic exploration "to be able to sit in an easy relationship with our shame." Notice that she did not say that we had to eliminate all our shame before we could begin. We simply have to be willing to allow it to appear every now and then. At each step of the way we are likely to encounter either a little or a lot of shame. Shame must be accepted, forgiven, and gently moved beyond. If you wait to eliminate all your shame before you take the next step in your sexual evolution, you'll never take that step.Such important advice to keep in mind as we journey forward.
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